They will make you laugh with full force! See what else we have to offer. I hereby argue the point. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Florida Coast - oil spill - Limbaugh. Jan 22. What Is the Coast Guard College Student Pre Commissioning Initiative? Find jokes about all branches of the military, including the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard and more in our daily, clean military joke section. VetFriends has the best military humor on the web. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship. Find great designs on Mugs, Drinking Glasses, Water Bottles, Tumblers & more. Sign up to receive our newsletter regarding Veterans, Reunions, Military, Veteran Benefits, Military Pictures, Jokes, Military History, Military Catalog, Sales, Discounts & more. Most heard Quotes from the United States Coast Guard. The Coast Guard is a great branch they truly do a lot with a little (they are the smallest branch by far). The last one was automated 10 years ago, said Lt. j.g. No. If your ship is handed a list of businesses your crew is not welcome at during their port call... You've left a port with more than one sign from the naval base... You've woken up in the "red zone" in Panama. If military humor is your kind of sense of humor, then these jokes are just perfect for you. March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Suddenly, disaster strikes and they begin to take on water. The guard says "Didn't you hear? and "Death to all Infidels! You are still trying to figure out what TQM was all about. "I'll SEAL you later" What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? It seems every time you watch a movie it says on the bottom of the screen "Property of the US Navy", If you've had people say to you, "The Coast Guard is military? View discussions in 2 other communities. 8 years ago. Change View Filter. A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. Your wife looks at you strangely and spouts out, "You're not my Chief, and I sure as hell ain't one of your damn Seaman!". This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina, I noticed a man running down the dock toward me dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted "Allah be praised!" This military humor will crack you up whether you’re in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force. Edit: 23k upvotes in 3 days! The Coast Guard Museum opened its archives to Instagram, showing off some of it most interesting artifacts. The email may be a sad story about a little girl who has cancer. Actually-- mr SGM -or whatever you tagged yourself, the Coast Guard was the Revenue Marine...who was patrolling our coasts long before the Navy was authorized. Looking for the ideal Funny Coast Guard Jokes Gifts? save. Jokes about military boot camp and funny stories. Then an incredulous voice asked, “How fast were you going when you hit shore?” — About.Com —– Living in hypotheticals U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. When you come home with groceries you shout, "All hands lay to the garage/driveway/curb for stores". 1 1. Coast Guard Jokes. On November 16, 2009 A pair of 47' foot Coast Guard lifeboats were filmed doing rescue manuvers at the Checto River Bar entrance during rough seas. #CoastGuard #navy #playing Lv 4. by PO Bilge Rat | Jun 28, 2017 | USCG Jokes & Humor. Jokes about the Military! Yo Mama - Coast Guard Yo' Mama is so fat, the Coast Guard keeps a log of her bath times. The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. dont put that shit on me! E-Mail Scams and Jokes. There are plenty of bad jokes I would just as well forget. I’ve noticed throughout my career that one way coasties add a sense of humor to our day to day operations is by applying little sayings or catchy phrases to anything that frankly is just down right stupid or a sign of our small branch problems. 239 comments. The coast guard chief then said to his barber, "go ahead and put mine on, my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whore house smells like." Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea.". coast vi intransitive verb: Verb not taking a direct object--for example, "She jokes." 87 RESULTS 87 Results. Other branches obviously charge forward with "not even in the military" but the Coast Guard has definitely seen its share of life and death operations on the high seas, dealing with drug dealers, and even being deployed in the War on Terror overseas to handle port security and other coastal threats. He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". Other sayings are used proudly or in keeping with our naval traditions. Apparently off-shore … This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! Following is our collection of Coast jokes which are very funny. Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited. She then let's all her beautiful blonde hair out of her ponytail and say's "Men always find me because of my bright blonde hair, the coast guard men will find us in no time!" While the minimum requirements for all the branches change with the needs of the service, a score of a 30-40 will get a prospective recruit into any of the other services, the Coast Guard expects a minimum of 40-50 from their applicants. 93% Upvoted. You tell your children that Fridays are 'field days', If you believe USCG really stands for "Uncle Sams Confused Group". "He has arrived." 176. The U.S. Coast Guard was officially formed in 1915, but it traces its history to 1790 through the Lifesaving Service and the Revenue Cutter Service. Well I have. Coast Guard -- Songs and music - Patriotic music -- United States - War and Conflict The email may be a sad story about a little girl who has cancer. Can anybody hear me? Do you agree with me?" Eccentric, yet fiercely intelligent. And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. ... You will stand duty, watch, guard during your boot camp / basic training, sometimes the instructors are bored and like messing with people. Attention! My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. You panic when you have to wear nice civilian clothes out because you can't color coordinate because you know no other than blue. For example: Free Returns 100% … The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense. You catch yourself speaking to your children in the same tone of voice you use with your non-rates ... or is it the other way around? See what else we have to offer. Anonymous. They come upon an English ship which seems to be sinking. 1336 Moorpark Rd. For example: Why do Guardians wear slip-on shoes? 2021, Washington DC A guy goes up to a guard at the White House and says "How do I get in to see President Trump?" One thing a veterans will share is funny events that occur during their initial training. nsfw. Coxswain Jokes. Most heard Quotes from the United States Coast Guard. A Coast Guard officer responded, “Please give your location.” “I’m on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish.” The officer paused, “Could you repeat that?” “I-75, two miles south of Standish.” A longer pause. The redhead then decides to take her. Here is a list of punchlines. An Alaskan cruise is not an option for your honeymoon. One of them volunteers to swim over to mainland so that she's can get the coast guard to help them out. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I. “Naw”, said the other boater, “I think I’ll just wait for the Coast Guard to show up.” The Skipper A group of Skippers is walking through town looking for crew, when they see a five-story building with a sign that read, “Crew Association: Ship’s Crew Available” Since they are without their crews, they decide to go in. Military jokes for the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard. Check out this list of You Might Be a Coastie If punchlines. The Australian Volunteer Coast Guard has no law enforcement powers. The only response he hears is the heavy accent of the German coast guard speaking broken English. ). And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. It guards the coast in the most effective way - initially by education, example, examination and finally by search and rescue. Your content is being added X. The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. Very boring it was. Log in or sign up to leave a comment Log In Sign Up. level 1. While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. You panic when you have to wear nice civilian clothes out because you can't color coordinate because you know no other than blue. The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. Article by The Balance. I live on the coast and I can say the Coast Guard does a lot especially with how few troops they have in the area. A Navy admiral and a coast guard chief were in a barber shop. A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. And the guy woody one of the remaining Medal of Honor recipients alive joke on the coast guard Posted on January 28, 2020; Posted in CoastGuard, E-Mail Scams; Follow me. ", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. Formerly part of the Treasury Department and now under the Department of Homeland Security, the Coast Guard is generally the butt of jokes from military branches under the Department of Defense. I thought it would be great to pass along some water-related jokes linked to the Navy or Coast Guard. Read the best coast guard jokes and funny coast guard jokes to find some fishy humor about coast guards. After a few beers, he finally asks the gentleman, "Pardon me, but why is your head so small?". "I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot. The Australian Volunteer Coast Guard Association was established in 1961, and modelled on the US Coast Guard Auxiliary, the association is an organisation composed entirely of volunteers. I didn't quite catch it at first, but then he started laughing and revealed that it was a little joke that fellow military men play with the Coast Guard. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. Trump isn't president any more. Biden is president." Anything will fit if you apply enough force. U.S. Coast Guard Diving Program Information, Learn About Coast Guard Humanitarian Assignments, U.S. Military 101 - Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard, The Correct Way to Display O-6 Rank Insignia How Eagle Should Face. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. Coast Guard Reminds Mariners that Hoax Calls are No Joke photo courtesy of MGN Online The Coast Guard would like to remind people of the dangers and penalties associated with hoax distress calls and the use of laser … The captain, in a panic, gets on his radio to send out an S.O.S. This was back in February on the 75th anniversary of Iwo Jima. What the Recruiter Never Told You About Military Promotions, Check out the Military Weapons Typically Used in Basic Combat Training, Coast Guard Yeoman Job Description: Salary, Skills, & More, All About Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer Training, You know instantly that "work smarter, not harder" means billet cuts, People ask you what you're doing beyond the three-mile limit, You get married to move out of the barracks, You precede every public speech with, "I was going to tell a sea story, but seeing the lack of Cutterman's pins out there, you all just wouldn't understand". 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